Why?
Great question! Can’t think of a more concise way to uncover what’s next. As a child it’s probably the first question we learn to ask, why this or why that, naturally curious about the world around us. It’s simple asking to learn, innocent even. We become masters of this question by the age of 4. How is it that years later we grow to abandon this beautiful question?
Imagine walking into your kitchen to find an entire box of cereal spilled all over the floor. Your little one is standing over the mess, box in hand, and has a startled look on their face. How do you respond to what you see? (Pause.Think.)
Are you a “What happened?” person, focused on the activity and the happenings? Sure your question opens it up for dialog and depending on the age of the little one, that could be fun. It is however focused on the something that occurred, good or bad, cereal spilled. Besides, it seems a little obvious to me, the little one figured out yet another way to free the trapped cereal.
Perhaps you are a “How did this happen?” person, focused on the actions it took to spill cereal all over the kitchen floor. Again, good dialog could come from this, and you could learn how to coach the actions that the little one took to unleash the cereal on the floor. I offer this may be a great opportunity to demonstrate the different techniques to getting all of the cereal out of the box and onto the floor.
What if you were a “Why did this happen?” person, focused on how the happening and action can be prevented. Better yet, how could you have prevented the sharing of cereal with the kitchen floor? Wait, what? How did I become the fall guy? Great question. Think preventative. Think in anticipation. Think beyond blame or understanding and instead focus on why the cereal picked a fight with the kitchen floor. Not sure how this shows up for you, but I’m sure there are millions of possibilities.
Our world is consumed by what has happened. CNN & ESPN are very good at reporting the “what”. We get text alerts that tell us the “what” all day long, short, specific, yet no depth… standard definition television. As we tweak our “what” and improve to “how” by asking questions to confirm, understand, or learn. At very least there is some understanding and ability to provide feedback and coaching. How things happen is fascinating, the process and techniques that I have learned to understand the “how” have made all the difference in my life and my relationships with people. Think of this as HD TV, great definition, crisp and brilliant. I dare you to take the next bold step to understand the “why”. Seek out root causes or triggers. Go beyond the obvious. What new depth of learning can you uncover? What could you prevent, better anticipate, or further advance by asking why more often? This is like 3D TV, a new lens to see the same material, unlocking all sorts of new possibilities.
“What” is needed less. “How” is needed more. More “why” is needed. Amazing how some of the first ways we learn can be the most effective. Channel your inner 4 year old, ask why more often. Go from think, to think differently, to think crazy differently!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Present... Presence... What Gifts Do You Bring?
We have all had _________ that are present. They show up. We have all had ___________ that have presence. They show up differently.
Present suggests physical, to be there live and in person. Show up at your work, your school, your homes; present. It’s the single most important thing to you can do or be. Nothing can begin unless you are present.
Presence is something beyond physical, not necessarily live and in person. It shows up at your work, your school, your homes; presence. It’s the single most important thing you can have. Nothing can advance unless you have presence.
Think of both of these definitions in the context of how you filled in the blank above. What gift have you brought? Present is showing up. Presence is engagement, being involved, and exactness. Present is being there. Presence is anticipation, knowledge, and timeliness. Present is something you do, presence is something you are. As a person, leader, parent, teacher, sibling, partner, employee, co-worker, or coach what do you offer? You can be present yet have no presence. If you are present, congrats you have done the easy part. If you have presence, well that's different.
Different is difficult. Practice is difficult. Good practice is different. Presence is practice. How do you practice?
Different is not popular. Homework is not popular. Homework is different. Presence is homework. When do you do your homework?
Different is trust. Thinking is trust. Trust is different. Presence is trust. Where do you trust?
Different is a lot more. What is different for you? What presence do you need? Your TEAM need? Your family need? Just imagine all the ways you can add presence to your roles. There are millions of ways to practice, lots of homework to do, and great people to trust... will you just show up or will you show up differently? Before you embark on your next adventure, pause, think about the gifts you bring.
Monday, November 15, 2010
You care, don’t you?
You care, don’t you?
No really, do you care about those around you? Whoa deep question I know. Take the next 30 seconds to think about that question before you proceed…
Ok, so you do care. Good. Not sure I completely expected you to close up this message and go about your day; however I do hope you thought to consider this question… How would people around you know that you care about them? Let that set in…
I assume that you love and cherish your family unconditionally (although I believe the same principles apply with loved ones), so for the moment let’s remove them from the equation. Think about everyone else. Think about every single person you encounter throughout your day. From your barista to your co-workers, the server at lunch to your customer. How do those people know that you care about them? How do you share with them the AWESOMENESS that they are? What ways do you explain the actions, perhaps the behaviors they exhibit that demonstrate such leadership? Or do you?
Caring is tough to quantify, not sure there is metric that measures how much one cares for someone/something else. Half the time I’m not sure people know what it means. My biggest fear is leaders don’t know how to identify, teach, or coach “how to”, “why to”, or “if to” care. Early in my career I believed that you were either born with it or you weren’t, that caring was an inherent thing you just had. Nope. Sorry, all learned.
So how does one begin or further this journey of caring? If it is indeed that simple, how can just anyone begin to care at a level that makes all the difference? You have to communicate it. It’s the actions of caring that make it work. Just saying you care isn’t enough. I am reminded of a quote my former boss had up in his office. “Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson. It was posted at his desk facing anyone who was going to have a discussion with him. Bold but true, fierce yet accurate. A great reminder of the simplicity of caring.
Perhaps the question I should have asked at the beginning should have been, “What actions do you do, that show the people around you that you care for them?” Think about the million different ways you can show the people you work with, live with, or chat with, how much you care. Think about the bus driver, the mailman, or your boss. What ways do you communicate your care for them? Maybe it’s a simple note, a text, or a call. Perhaps you surprise your TEAM with lunch, give a free cup of coffee to the next customer, or hold the door open for someone. Small meaningful gestures that demonstrate how much people mean to you. I am fascinated by the role Social Media has played in helping to further advance the way people can share their care for one another. Video, audio, or otherwise, people are finding different ways to connect with other people via Facebook™ or YouTube™ following them with Twitter ™or using “check-ins” on GoWalla™. In turn, this has allowed businesses and brands to become better at showing how they care, further deepening their relationships with consumers. Ultimately those who do this well are separating themselves and building loyalty. The whiz-bang is great but it has to be built on a platform of caring.
Trust me, your ability to care will win out. There are enough distractions out there, noise about fastest this or best price of that, end of the day what is left? What is the essence of any product, brand, or company? I argue it is the ability of these products, brands, or companies to care. As a wise woman once taught me, “It’s simple, but it’s hard, but it’s simple.” (Thank you again Sue!) The cool thing is if you care, you are already armed with a secret weapon. Care is the closest thing to a silver bullet, a-one-stop-fix-everything-right-at-this-moment piece of brilliance!
I challenge you all to think about who, what, when, why, where, and how you go about sharing your care for others. Needless to say I am intrigued by this and would love to learn more from each of you. I would be honored if you shared your “Who you are” and “How you care” (not only with those close to you) stories with me. Think about the day you can make, the impact that you can have, and impression you can leave.
No really, do you care about those around you? Whoa deep question I know. Take the next 30 seconds to think about that question before you proceed…
Ok, so you do care. Good. Not sure I completely expected you to close up this message and go about your day; however I do hope you thought to consider this question… How would people around you know that you care about them? Let that set in…
I assume that you love and cherish your family unconditionally (although I believe the same principles apply with loved ones), so for the moment let’s remove them from the equation. Think about everyone else. Think about every single person you encounter throughout your day. From your barista to your co-workers, the server at lunch to your customer. How do those people know that you care about them? How do you share with them the AWESOMENESS that they are? What ways do you explain the actions, perhaps the behaviors they exhibit that demonstrate such leadership? Or do you?
Caring is tough to quantify, not sure there is metric that measures how much one cares for someone/something else. Half the time I’m not sure people know what it means. My biggest fear is leaders don’t know how to identify, teach, or coach “how to”, “why to”, or “if to” care. Early in my career I believed that you were either born with it or you weren’t, that caring was an inherent thing you just had. Nope. Sorry, all learned.
So how does one begin or further this journey of caring? If it is indeed that simple, how can just anyone begin to care at a level that makes all the difference? You have to communicate it. It’s the actions of caring that make it work. Just saying you care isn’t enough. I am reminded of a quote my former boss had up in his office. “Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson. It was posted at his desk facing anyone who was going to have a discussion with him. Bold but true, fierce yet accurate. A great reminder of the simplicity of caring.
Perhaps the question I should have asked at the beginning should have been, “What actions do you do, that show the people around you that you care for them?” Think about the million different ways you can show the people you work with, live with, or chat with, how much you care. Think about the bus driver, the mailman, or your boss. What ways do you communicate your care for them? Maybe it’s a simple note, a text, or a call. Perhaps you surprise your TEAM with lunch, give a free cup of coffee to the next customer, or hold the door open for someone. Small meaningful gestures that demonstrate how much people mean to you. I am fascinated by the role Social Media has played in helping to further advance the way people can share their care for one another. Video, audio, or otherwise, people are finding different ways to connect with other people via Facebook™ or YouTube™ following them with Twitter ™or using “check-ins” on GoWalla™. In turn, this has allowed businesses and brands to become better at showing how they care, further deepening their relationships with consumers. Ultimately those who do this well are separating themselves and building loyalty. The whiz-bang is great but it has to be built on a platform of caring.
Trust me, your ability to care will win out. There are enough distractions out there, noise about fastest this or best price of that, end of the day what is left? What is the essence of any product, brand, or company? I argue it is the ability of these products, brands, or companies to care. As a wise woman once taught me, “It’s simple, but it’s hard, but it’s simple.” (Thank you again Sue!) The cool thing is if you care, you are already armed with a secret weapon. Care is the closest thing to a silver bullet, a-one-stop-fix-everything-right-at-this-moment piece of brilliance!
I challenge you all to think about who, what, when, why, where, and how you go about sharing your care for others. Needless to say I am intrigued by this and would love to learn more from each of you. I would be honored if you shared your “Who you are” and “How you care” (not only with those close to you) stories with me. Think about the day you can make, the impact that you can have, and impression you can leave.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Sarcasm or humor?
Both effective, both leave lasting impressions, only one that positively gets your point across.
There is a fine line between sarcasm and humor. Your ability to manage both can make all the difference in whether or not people follow you. Adding humor to highlight a topic or opinion is effective, even necessary to get a point across. I challenge that humor becomes sarcasm when "highlighting" a topic becomes "defending" a topic. It's when healthy banter or the volley of opinions becomes a game of who has the last word or who is right and who is wrong. We have all witnessed when that line of humor and sarcasm gets crossed. A leader's impact is made, feelings get hurt, credibility erodes. Humor becomes a taunt or sneering, backhanded remark. A verbal assault and bullying of the recipient becomes irreparable.
Understand that sarcasm comes from insecurity, a lack of confidence or knowledge on the particular subject. It comes from judgement, rumor, or even gossip. Yikes! Neg-a-tive! As a leader of an organization, why would you want any part of that? All roads end badly. Alarmingly many leaders don't even know they do this and are shocked when coached about it. they cant understand why their perception or image is not more healthy. It would be easy for me to further highlight all the bad things sarcasm can cause or delve into the things to avoid saying. I could even share all the benefits of adding humor to your dialog. Instead lets focus on the things we can do or say to overcome your insecurities.
Ask questions.
Read.
Talk less, listen more.
Write down your thoughts.
Do more thinking.
Exercise.
Find a mentor.
Travel.
Join a community.
Just imagine the possibilities...
There is a fine line between sarcasm and humor. Your ability to manage both can make all the difference in whether or not people follow you. Adding humor to highlight a topic or opinion is effective, even necessary to get a point across. I challenge that humor becomes sarcasm when "highlighting" a topic becomes "defending" a topic. It's when healthy banter or the volley of opinions becomes a game of who has the last word or who is right and who is wrong. We have all witnessed when that line of humor and sarcasm gets crossed. A leader's impact is made, feelings get hurt, credibility erodes. Humor becomes a taunt or sneering, backhanded remark. A verbal assault and bullying of the recipient becomes irreparable.
Understand that sarcasm comes from insecurity, a lack of confidence or knowledge on the particular subject. It comes from judgement, rumor, or even gossip. Yikes! Neg-a-tive! As a leader of an organization, why would you want any part of that? All roads end badly. Alarmingly many leaders don't even know they do this and are shocked when coached about it. they cant understand why their perception or image is not more healthy. It would be easy for me to further highlight all the bad things sarcasm can cause or delve into the things to avoid saying. I could even share all the benefits of adding humor to your dialog. Instead lets focus on the things we can do or say to overcome your insecurities.
Ask questions.
Read.
Talk less, listen more.
Write down your thoughts.
Do more thinking.
Exercise.
Find a mentor.
Travel.
Join a community.
Just imagine the possibilities...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
History
You know when you hear a song on the radio and it reminds you of some moment in your life that you wish lasted forever or you smell something and it triggers something similar? Sounds and smells that seem to remain frozen, etched in our brains for a lifetime. We remember where we were, what we were doing or who we were with exactness. Those memories are crisp and familiar.
I had a moment like this today during a discussion at lunch with Jamal. We discussed the state of the business, his TEAM, and life in general. I learned a lot about Jamal, what drives him and what inspires him to show up the way he does. Great conversation!
As discussions can, ours wondered down an unforeseen path, a windy road about our life's experiences, the places we have traveled and the learning we took from it. Jamal spoke of his travels to Nigeria, sharing pictures he still had on his phone (from 2006), describing his journey and experiences with such enthusiasm. As he shared how much that experience meant to him and how it forever changed his life, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind raced, my heart jumped, I had that nostalgic feeling, the same one you get when you hear that song or smell that smell. 11 years ago I had a similar life changing experience, coincidentally it too was on the continent of Africa.
Our discussion reminded me of my travels to Southern Africa where I studied abroad (in the country of Namibia, just northwest of South Africa) and learned so much about the world, different cultures, and myself. The nostalgia of our conversation gave me chills bumps, brought back to life the magic I experienced in the Southern Hemisphere. At that moment everything around me stood still. All of a sudden the sights, sounds, smells of Namibia all came rushing back. I could so acutely picture myself in the arid dessert land of Northern Namibia. I could so crisply picture myself sitting underneath "my" palm tree as I would write in my journal, listen to Dave Mathews Band's song "Crush" on repeat, and watch the sunset. I could recall the first time I saw Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, the smell of the water, the sound of rushing water, the state of awe that it left me for the better part of an hour. I remember the feelings of joy I had when I first arrived in Cape Town, South Africa and the emotional roller coaster of visiting Nelson Mandela's jail cell at Robben Island. WOW! So much hit me rather all of a sudden, my history flashed before me.
As we wrapped our lunch and began to walk back to the store our conversation further evolved into other influences in our lives, favorite books, movies, and music that defined our personal history and what had influenced who we are. That thought stuck with me my entire ride home. It dawned on me that in order to find out where we are going, we need to understand where we have been. History, personal or otherwise can teach us so much. The experiences, sights, or sounds throughout our life help us to re-create what was, but more importantly it helps us to drive forward. So much energy came over me, and I immediately began to think about the things I learned and experienced in Southern Africa and how they could benefit me now. How my personal history could benefit my future or others.
I'm sure you have all had similar life experiences, maybe not in Southern Africa, but somewhere in your personal history. Think about the things that would bring you back to a wonderful time in your life, a sight, sound, or smell that forever changed the trajectory of your life. Take 30 minutes to think about that today. Think about what you learned or experienced during that time and pull it forward present day. Go rent the movie, download the song, pull out the journal, read the book, go to that place. Your history will benefit your future, who knows who elses!
As discussions can, ours wondered down an unforeseen path, a windy road about our life's experiences, the places we have traveled and the learning we took from it. Jamal spoke of his travels to Nigeria, sharing pictures he still had on his phone (from 2006), describing his journey and experiences with such enthusiasm. As he shared how much that experience meant to him and how it forever changed his life, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind raced, my heart jumped, I had that nostalgic feeling, the same one you get when you hear that song or smell that smell. 11 years ago I had a similar life changing experience, coincidentally it too was on the continent of Africa.
Our discussion reminded me of my travels to Southern Africa where I studied abroad (in the country of Namibia, just northwest of South Africa) and learned so much about the world, different cultures, and myself. The nostalgia of our conversation gave me chills bumps, brought back to life the magic I experienced in the Southern Hemisphere. At that moment everything around me stood still. All of a sudden the sights, sounds, smells of Namibia all came rushing back. I could so acutely picture myself in the arid dessert land of Northern Namibia. I could so crisply picture myself sitting underneath "my" palm tree as I would write in my journal, listen to Dave Mathews Band's song "Crush" on repeat, and watch the sunset. I could recall the first time I saw Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, the smell of the water, the sound of rushing water, the state of awe that it left me for the better part of an hour. I remember the feelings of joy I had when I first arrived in Cape Town, South Africa and the emotional roller coaster of visiting Nelson Mandela's jail cell at Robben Island. WOW! So much hit me rather all of a sudden, my history flashed before me.
As we wrapped our lunch and began to walk back to the store our conversation further evolved into other influences in our lives, favorite books, movies, and music that defined our personal history and what had influenced who we are. That thought stuck with me my entire ride home. It dawned on me that in order to find out where we are going, we need to understand where we have been. History, personal or otherwise can teach us so much. The experiences, sights, or sounds throughout our life help us to re-create what was, but more importantly it helps us to drive forward. So much energy came over me, and I immediately began to think about the things I learned and experienced in Southern Africa and how they could benefit me now. How my personal history could benefit my future or others.
I'm sure you have all had similar life experiences, maybe not in Southern Africa, but somewhere in your personal history. Think about the things that would bring you back to a wonderful time in your life, a sight, sound, or smell that forever changed the trajectory of your life. Take 30 minutes to think about that today. Think about what you learned or experienced during that time and pull it forward present day. Go rent the movie, download the song, pull out the journal, read the book, go to that place. Your history will benefit your future, who knows who elses!
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